Inspiration for This Week: The Holiday Loneliness

It's the most wonderful tiiiiiiiiiime of the year! With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to callll! It's the hap-happiest seaaaaaaason of all! *To the tune of the classic Christmas crooner, Andy Williams*

Except what happens when it's NOT the most wonderful time of year? Of course, I can't wait to see those pretty twinkling lights, sip my hot chocolate, bake cookies, and enjoy all the wonder that this seasons brings. But I also know that ache in my soul I would experience when I was struggling with loneliness. 

And don't be fooled that loneliness only happens to the single people. Yes, you may be single and longing for that Hallmark meet-cute. But loneliness can come in other forms too. Some people may be separated from their loved ones and unable to visit, some of us are grieving the loss of a loved one, or even feeling emotionally distant or disconnected from the people who are right in front of us. 

It's not uncommon to feel the pressure to "be cheerful and full of joy" through the holidays. Whether that's pressure from society, others, or pressure we put on ourselves. So let's dive in to a few tips to get through these next couple weeks and not let loneliness consume us.

Theme of the Week- Combating Loneliness

Be Good to Yourself- 'Tis the season of giving, but that also means YOU! You are the most reliable support/cheerleader that you have. So pamper yourself and take charge of your own joy and fun. Take that nice aromatherapy bath, get a massage, treat yourself to dinner. As I have said several times in session these past few weeks...the holiday activities are not just for couples and families! I promise grabbing some hot chocolate and driving around the town looking at Christmas lights or perusing the local Christmas market can be just as enjoyable by yourself! 

Understand that You're Not Alone- As mentioned above, anyone can have that cloud of loneliness come over them during this time. It's okay to feel lonely! Acknowledge that you are feeling lonely and remind yourself that you are not alone. Others could be feeling similar. Talk to others who may be experiencing loneliness too, whether through online or real life avenues. It can be alleviating to find people to relate to you and validate your feelings.

Rethink Your Expectations- It can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing to others on "Fakebook" or "Instaglam", or get disillusioned by those catchy Hallmark fairy tales of how the holidays should look. The key word here is should. Be willing to get creative and allow for alternatives. I promise no one person's life is the picture perfect Hallmark version of holiday happiness. It's fine to take a friend as a date to your holiday party. And while you may want a kiss under the mistletoe, remember that the outpouring affection from your family and friends still counts as love. 

Get Connected- Don't take for granted the connections that you have right in front of you. Think about that friend or loved one you've been meaning to reach out to...reach out now! Strike up a conversation with your neighbors, coworkers, retail workers, etc. Reaching out and reconnecting with others can be a great antidote to feelings of loneliness.

Cultivate Gratitude- Oh, there it is again, gratitude! Loneliness feelings are only exasperated when we continue down the rabbit hole of things we are lacking. So when you catch yourself focusing on the things you don't have, redirect your thoughts to things you DO have. You may not have the romantic love you wanted, but you have the unconditional love of your children, or your pets! Nothing says love like cuddles from those little fur babies!

Give to Others- "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!" Helping others is quite possibly the best way to fill our own hearts and increase those serotonin levels. Read the research, it's there! So challenge yourself to find a cause you believe in and jump in and participate. Volunteer at the soup kitchen, participate in a toy drive, help someone less fortunate pay a bill or get something for the holidays. Helping those less fortunate can replenish our happiness and pride as well as remind us of the fortunes that we do actually have that we may have taken for granted. And if you participate in an organized event, you may find like minded folks who could prove to be good connections. Double whammy!

Challenge this week: Be Proactive rather than Reactive

Get in touch with your feelings and get ahead of the quicksand experience of loneliness. If you notice you are feeling more down than joyful, and that loneliness cloud is looming over you, then take charge! Don't just sit around and let it consume you. Pick one of the 6 suggestions above and test it out. Notice how you feel after you participate in one of these suggestions, has the loneliness subsided? Good! Then try another one, and another, and see if you can do all of them. I'll definitely be curious to see how your perspective changes after that!