INSPIRATION THIS WEEK: RELATIONSHIP INTERACTIONS

First off, I know it's been a minute since I've released a new post from "Dana's Mindful Minute". I had to put my family as a priority and some business side projects had to take a back seat...adding another little one to the family is a LOT! To my long-time subscribers...thank you for your patience and grace! To my new subscribers...welcome and enjoy!

So I'd like to come back by talking about how we connect with each other. In sessions with clients we often discuss miscommunications with friends, partners, and family. Some often feel as though they may be feeling misunderstood, neglected, or smothered in their relationships. But before we can start to understand how to more effectively interact with our loved ones, let's take a moment to figure out where these concerns come from...

THEME OF THE WEEK: ATTACHMENT STYLES

The way we interact with others starts with how we were raised and what styles of attachment we were inclined towards. Psychologist Mary Ainsworth conducted experiments with babies in the 70s to study their attachment styles. The experiments were called "The Strange Situation" where she studied babies' reactions to their mothers leaving and returning as compared to a stranger. She found there were 3 significant attachment styles:

1. Secure Attachment- The babies were distressed when the mother left, but happy and calm when she returned, also using her as a reference on how to react to the stranger. Those with a secure attachment style usually promotes healthy relationship interactions by having higher emotional intelligence and expression, inviting more intimacy, content with loved ones and alone, and are more resilient in moments of distress. This is the most healthy attachment style and leads to more stable and successful relationships.
2. Anxious Attachment- The babies were inconsolable when the mother left, could not calm themselves or pushed mom away when she returned, and were highly fearful of the stranger. Those with an anxious attachment style tend to be more unstable in relationships, including feelings of jealousy, anxiety, neediness, over-sensitivity, obsessiveness, and possessiveness. They often need constant reassurance, they have issues trusting others, and often struggle with being alone. This can lead to emotional turbulence and unstable relationships.
3. Avoidant Attachment- The babies were unconcerned about the mother leaving and showed little interest in interactions with either the mother or the stranger. Those with avoidant attachment styles are often highly independent and self-reliant, avoid intimacy and emotional expression, prioritize other things (work, passions, other people) over their loved one, have commitment issues. They often have many acquaintances but little to no close relationships, and may not have interest or propensity towards relationships, preferring the single life or not staying committed long.

CHALLENGE THIS WEEK: WHICH ATTACHMENT STYLE DO YOU HAVE?

Which one of the above styles fits you best, or your partner best? Not sure? Feel free to check out this link to find out. So then what? Learn how to respond better in your relationships according to your attachment style by reading "Attached" by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Get the book here! And I promise, more of these "mindful minutes" will be hitting your inbox soon!